Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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