All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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