Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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