Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
