i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
