i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
