Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
