since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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