ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
