it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
