I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
