GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
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I need you to use more vowels.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
