so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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