I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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