from now on my penis is your penis
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just googled if crying burns calories
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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