12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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