Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's blow job season.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
