she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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