It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
