matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
