my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
