I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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