i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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