You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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