bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
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I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
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Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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