i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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