she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
