I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
