You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
