I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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