It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
