I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
