I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
