Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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