you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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