I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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