anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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