I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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