oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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