i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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