He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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