so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
