Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
