ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
