I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
