this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
