How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
