Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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