She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
