apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
