never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
