I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
