Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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