Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
