I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
