After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
