Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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