after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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