Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
