I showed him my bush... on skype.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
