Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
