Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
