in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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