So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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