Well apparently he's into motor boating.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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