Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
ttyl tear gas
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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