And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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