if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
