i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
