The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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