we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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