it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
pop tarts are not kleenex
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
