why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
