i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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