I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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