this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
