why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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