Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
someone owes me an orgasm
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
