We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
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It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
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Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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