...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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