I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
